For the final part in this resilience series of blogs we will be looking at external factors that support us.

As mentioned previously, when faced with adversity we can draw on our own internal resources; who we are, and what we can do. In addition, we can draw on external resources; in essence, ask for help.

So what exactly do our external resources look like?

They will be unique to each one of us. The most obvious is our social support structure; our family, friends, co-workers etc. The good news is we do not have to have perfect relationships with all of these people, or a perfect family history, we just need to identify who can be there for us, and then engage with asking them for help. Our external resources also come from our education and learning experiences, our skills, our financial education, and our wider community. We never need all of these aspects at once, and we can take small steps to improve one of these areas at a time, and that in turn will build our resilience. What small thing could you learn today? Who could you reach out to ask for help? How could you help someone in need today? Giving and receiving help can build resilience.

And as a final note, Wellspring can be one of those external support structures for supporting anyone who is struggling to make these changes on their own.

If you want further information, have a look at these resources:

www.resiliencedoughnutuk.com

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/stress/ developing-resilience/

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See our Resources page for more support and links.

The second aspect of our own internal resilience support systems can be described as our Emotional Intelligence.

It is unrealistic for all of us to expect life to be smooth and without emotional upsets, and clearly with our common latest challenge of Covid 19, we have no previous specific life experience to draw on. But we do have our emotional skills that can be used in any environment. As Victor Frankl famously said,

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

So how do we do that exactly?

Well, we draw on certain skills of self-awareness, labelling and measuring our emotions and self-regulating. We can also grow our optimism and express our emotions in a useful and helpful way. Again, as with last week’s internal awareness of our unique skills, we do not have to be excellent at all of these aspects to have strong mental health and we can boost each individual area a small amount to improve our sense of wellbeing and resilience. If we can have have some patience around improving rather than perfecting, we can see progress and growth in resilience.

So to start with, we can ask ourselves how we are feeling.

Try to be exact as possible, label that emotion as specifically as you can. There are charts on the internet or apps too assist with this. Then examine how strong or weak that feeling is, gain some perspective around it. Then share it, express it and let it go in time. Depending on the emotion, this can be relatively straightforward or exceedingly challenging, but really sitting with it and exploring how it feels in your body, how it impacts your breathing or your heart rate can help create some distance between the feeling and you.

We never stop learning about ourselves and no one gets this right all the time, but the good news is we can become more skilled at it, and subsequently build confidence around our ability to cope…our resilience.

Here are a few resources to help if you are interested in finding out more:

The Mood meter app for labelling, perspective and responding to emotions

www.thebodyandmindcoach.com/the-feeling-wheel/

Podcast Feel Better Live More No 60: The secret to solving the stress cycle

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See our Resources page for more support and links.

There has been a lot written about resilience in recent years and how important it can be to our mental health. If ever there was a time we could all collectively experience and practice resilience, it is now! We bear witness each day of this pandemic to the extraordinary acts of courage by the people in our society that care for us. It is evident that distress, disease and pain cannot be avoided, we cannot live without risk, but we are also not totally powerless in these situations, because we have resilience to draw on.

We may fear that we do not have enough resilience and yet, due to the very fact we are still here, that we have endured, shows we are capable of resilience.

No one would argue that we need something as extraordinary as a pandemic to show us that, or indeed to learn how to be more resilient, this pandemic acts as a mirror to show us our resilience capability.

The good news is that more resilience is available to all of us. We can draw on our resources, of who we are, what we have and what we can do. Each one of us can make small steps in improving these areas to give us more resilience, to be able to face adversity with more confidence. We are not born with resilience, it is a learnt skill; shaped through relationships and experiences.

For the next three blogs I will be looking at how specifically that can be done. In the meantime here are a few resources to explore.

www.ppc.sas.upenn.edu

Flourish by Dr Martin Seligman

As kindness is the theme of Mental Health Awareness week, now seems a good time to revisit this quality.

We all know what kindness is, and how transformative it can feel to be on the receiving end of thoughtfulness, consideration, inclusion and care. When someone has time for us, has thought about what we need, or might appreciate, it builds relationships. We often respond to kindness from others with warmth and gratitude. We also feel touched by the kindness we see displayed, by truly caring professionals as well as our friends, neighbours, families and loved ones. This is a quality we try to hold right at the centre when counselling, it draws people in and makes them feel special.

Kindness is a superpower. It is by definition freely given. It improves both our mental and physical health.

Now, more than ever, we all need kindness. In uncertainty and troubles, a simple act of kindness can transform how we feel, and make us better able to face reality.

Kindness really is like magic; because it works well to either give or receive it. What act of kindness can you show yourself today? And what can you give to others, however small, in the spirit of kindness?

actionforhappiness.org

www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/52557800

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Written by Alex Brook-Dobson

See our Resources page for more support and links.

Whilst our building is currently closed for face-to-face counselling until further notice, we are still offering sessions over the phone or through Zoom. Please note, however, that we have a reduced capacity at the moment. If you would like to refer yourself for counselling, please use the contact details at the bottom of the page.